The Power of the Mom Chat: Building Your Support Network
Chaos ~ Joy ~ Wins/Struggles ~ And Everything In Between
In the chaos and joy of motherhood, having a supportive community of mom friends can make all the difference. In this post, I’ll share how our mom group chat has become a lifeline of sharing, commiserating, celebrating, and cheering each other on, and how you can create your own support network,
How It Began
My husband and I with our then one-year-old moved to a brand new city for his new job opportunity. We had both been furloughed during the pandemic, moved closer to family (with a newborn), and applied to what felt like hundreds of jobs. I just accepted a fundraising position at Yale and then … in less than one month … Hugo won a principal oboe position with the Columbus Symphony. If you know this industry, then you know those performing positions do not come up often and there are hundreds of candidates. So … we moved to Columbus.
We made slowly started making friends through his work and found the most amazing group of people!
It all started with a simple message. A few of us, feeling overwhelmed and isolated, decided to start a group chat. What began as a casual space to share parenting tips quickly evolved into a haven of support and friendship.
We even added a beautiful soul of a mom who we met at the playground. Do not underestimate the power of a playground!
Sharing and Commiserating
In our group chat, simply named Mom Chat, no topic is off-limits. From sleepless nights to toddler tantrums, we share our daily struggles and offer a sympathetic ear. Knowing that we’re not alone in our challenges brings immense comfort.
I cannot tell you how many times one of needs to rant and how the rest of us hold a safe place for that mama. We are a judgement free zone. What’s really cool is that we all maintain our own individual parenting style. No one takes offense if their advice isn’t taken or reciprocated. We share freely and adapt what may work for us knowing that there’s no perfect one-size fits all parenting style.
Celebrating the Wins
Every milestone, big or small, is celebrated in our chat. Whether it's a first step, a successful potty training day, or an emotional win like staying patient during a tough moment, we make sure to cheer each other on. These moments of joy and recognition uplift our spirits and strengthen our bond.
Big Wins
Getting a full night’s sleep (no pee-throughs, no nightmares, just tranquil sleep for all)
Those beautiful kiddo milestones (first words, steps, teeth falling out!)
Professional Success (new job, promotion, gig)
Self-Care Success (enjoying the time we carve out for ourselves, #NoMomGuilt)
Family Vacations (we’ve all done them and any happy moment is a success! But really it feels like parenting in a new place, haha)
Health, Growth, & Nurturing (mind/body/emotional wellness and putting it at the top of our lists)
Small Wins
Morning & Bedtime Routines (we all ate breakfast, got out the door on time with NO tears - yours or theirs, and we journaled! THEY LET ME WASH THEIR HAIR!! haha)
Meal Time Wins (everyone likes what you cooked!)
Napping for All (I believe everyone needs a nap, you too mama!)
Quiet Peaceful Moments (enjoying a cup of tea in peace)
Organized Chaos (small baby steps in organizing one area of the house - not everything all at once)
Play for All (creating fun moments for the kids AND us - can’t forget our playtime with AND without the kids)
Emotional Wins
Patience (calm, grounded, patience during those really tough days - using a breath connection tool)
Connection (with ourselves, our kids, our partners, our friends - we are not meant to do this alone)
Gratitude (appreciating the little and big things, not pushing through just to get to the next thing but being in the moment)
Support Network (our mom chat is one of my biggest supports, I would feel very alone without it)
Cheering Each Other On
Beyond sharing and celebrating, our group chat is a space for motivation and encouragement. When one of us is feeling down or unsure, the rest of the group rallies with words of support and practical advice. We remind each other of our strengths and capabilities.
Our kids are at different ages which makes it so much fun to see where everyone is at, and to provide support with the simple phrase, “oooooooh I remember that. It’s hard and you can do it.”
Recently, my kids are really into expressing themselves with screaming and also love quiet time. The juxtaposition of the two is mind boggling, and my mom chat delivers every time with words of encouragement and also, the every ready “WTF?!?!?”
And each of us mamas is experiencing that twinge when our kid doesn’t need us for something they needed your help with every day up until that present moment. ❤️😭Phew, does that tug on the heart strings!
Starting Your Own Mom Chat
Creating your own mom chat is easier than you might think. Here are some things to think about to get you started:
Reach Out - You already have those mom friends you’re texting for play dates every week. Ask if they want to go in on a group chat. You won’t know unless you ask.
Boundaries - Things you are comfortable talking about and not. Truly, we didn’t add anyone to our mom chat, we weren’t already serial texting 1:1. No need to overthink it, but share what feels good for you, and if it’s just a rant/venting session then let the mamas know. That way they aren’t trying to give advice when you just need someone to listen. Boundaries start with you and can be easily adjusted throughout.
Embracing Everyone’s Uniqueness - Everyone gets to share their wins, struggles, photos, and all the in-between. In our mom chat, we don’t always respond right away and sometimes we all text at once. We all get to show up as we are, in a very safe container we have created for ourselves.
Participate - Check-in, share updates, keep those lines of communication open. Do not underestimate the power of an emoji especially the angry and frustrated ones. Sometimes we don’t have words but we have emotions that need to be expressed, heard, and understood. Mom chats are great for this!!
CHEERLEADERS - Be each other’s BIGGEST CHEERLEADER! The journey of motherhood starts during pregnancy and we continue to evolve as our families grow and as our children (and us) get older. Knowing you’re not alone is one of the most comforting things we can do for ourselves. Mom chats offer that support and connection!
BONUS! - You get to have playdates together with the kids AND solo mom hangs! Schedule them and schedule them often! Yes it can be a struggle to get you all together but the more you do it, the easier it becomes. OH! And shared snacks are key to those playdates!
You Can Do It!
It’s okay to say you’re having a hard time. Mom chats are where you can share the good, the bad, and the ugly.
AND, if you want to keep going with those 1:1 chats, do that too. I have moms that I text outside of this Mom Chat group. Why? Because I need as much support as possible. And not everyone wants a group chat.
The key to all of this is that there are no rules. You get to do what feels good for you, always.
The connections and support you will find in these friendships are invaluable. Together, you will get to share, commiserate, celebrate, and cheer each other on through the beautiful chaos of motherhood.
Oh, and another bonus! Your kids get to learn by your example. They get to see you caring for yourself. They get to see you being strong by asking for that help. They get to see you having fun without guilt. They get to see what healthy friendships can be, all because you decided to reach out and make those friendships a priority.
